Granny Squares

 

So, I decided over Christmas that it had been a while since I had made any granny squares. I had been thinking of making something, and then I saw an adorable little mini-granny square afghan at this store in Nashville called Fabu, and I felt inspired. And then, about a dozen squares in, I saw that RangerSarah is making one, too! Sarah, I wish I could see yours- it actually looks a lot closer to what I had in mind than what I am ending up with, although what I am ending up with is rather cute and extremely soft! I am making it out of KnitPicks Shine Sport.

I needed to make something for a very dear friend– someone who had been a phone call away, even in the dead of night, after my miscarriage. This dear friend became pregnant a few months after, and is due at the end of February with her #4. I wanted to make something bright and colorful for this little one. I am sure the one at Fabu was made of fingering weight yarn, but I know that my friend’s other 3 boys have very sensitive skin, so I wanted to make something that wouldn’t irritate.

My friend has 3 boys, and is convinced she is going to have another boy, but isn’t finding out. I have to admit that I am super curious- I have another friend with 3 boys who is pregnant with #4, a girl. And yes, I have many about-to-burst pregnant friends. No one warned me that your 20s would be spent going to a wedding every other weekend and that you would spend the bulk of your 30s surrounded by pregnant people. It makes sense, and anyone with observation skills would probably deduce such a thing, but I think I’m going to teach this to my kids as a matter of course, just like teaching them that there is wind at the beach and that it rains a lot in London. When you’re in your 30s, there will be a lot of pregnant people, and there’s no escape.

I actually really like gender-neutral baby knitting. I think it requires a bit more creativity in order to make things fun and exciting! I love making little lacy baby girl things, too, don’t get me wrong!  But there is something fantastic about crafting with love for a little one without including all of the expectations attached to gender. Something special about that nurture and love growing outside of those expectations.  And I have to admit that this process is also very personally healing for me, too. Dealing with this specific friend’s pregnancy has been a catalyst for me to move outside of myself- outside of my internal pity-party that I have been so comfortable maintaining. I have been able to hold on to the love that I have for my friend, and the love that she has shown me, and I am allowing myself to share in her joy.

I still cry, but now that I am moving out of my grief I am beginning to feel hope. And sometimes the sun even shines!

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