For the last few days, I’ve been living with the idea that I have had a second miscarriage. My daytime has been peaceful– Austin and I have spent a lot of time together, and it’s been really nice. I have not felt emotional. No crying, no frustration. I’ve felt at peace with the whole thing.

I’ve been disappointed. But I’ve occupied my time very intensely with projects. Yesterday, after eating lunch, I completely tore my bathroom apart, threw half of everything away, and decided to paint. I talked to my mom about half way through the day, and she decided to come down and help me paint- it’s something we’ve always done together, and I know she wanted to be here in case I needed her. I was very glad to have her company.

When my mom left, I decided to take another pregnancy test. The analytical part of me was curious. The bleeding was very light and didn’t last for long. There haven’t been any cramps. The test was positive again. I am aware that this might just mean I have residual hormones in my system- 6 weeks of pregnancy causes quite a build up. It also might been that I’m wrong and I’m still pregnant. I called a friend who is a nurse midwife, and had a good chat. I am not getting my hopes up, but I am making sure that I don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do during pregnancy.

I’m gonna call my doctor in the morning to see if I can go in and have some blood work done. I’ll be glad to have some answers. Glad to know what to do and what to think and how to proceed. Yesterday I was so tempted to sit outside and drink a bloody marry, but I didn’t. I’ve not had alcohol or caffeine or seafood in several weeks ( I do think that shrimp and grits and a Bloody Mary are on the menus when this is over, whether that be next week or sometime next year!)

So, here’s to another week!

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